Your Guide to Lesbian Sex

Your Guide to Lesbian Sex

If you’re exploring something new sexually or having sex for the first time, it’s only normal to be nervous. When it comes to lesbian sex, the term itself is a little bit unclear, and if you’ve never done it before, you may not know what does and what doesn’t count. Hint, it probably counts. Whether you’re new to the concept or simply want to dig deeper, here’s everything you want to know about lesbian sex.

Before We Start

Lesbian Sex

Lesbian can refer to sex between women who identify as lesbians, which is what most people think of when they hear the term. However, the term is not limited to lesbians, nor is it limited to cis-gendered women. Two individuals who identify as female, or individuals who identify as bisexual, queer, trans, or pansexual can have lesbian sex. It is also important to note that the activity isn’t necessarily limited to two people. While this article focuses on sex between two individuals who identify as women or girl on girl, it is important to recognize that the term has broader use.

What Counts as Sex

This actually depends on you and your partner. Some people think of sex as vaginal penetration only, which is a pretty narrow definition. Sex can easily include kissing, cuddling, stimulation of the breasts, clitoris, or anus, using dildo, vibrators and mutual masturbation.

Because sex is defined differently by so many people, there is no one single guideline for what does and doesn’t qualify. It also means that a real lesbian orgasm can be any orgasm you want it to be.

First Time Lesbian Sex Tips

If you identify as a woman and it is your first time having sex with another woman, you may be questioning everything you know about how to have sex.

Let Your Partner Know

Be honest with your partner and fess up that it’s your first time having sex or having this type of sex. Your partner will probably be happy to take the lead and show you the ropes, or if you are both new to this type of sex, it’s something to explore together.

Take a Peek at the Anatomy

The female anatomy is fascinating and complex. If you’re not familiar with the anatomy, now is the perfect time to take a look. Focus on the breasts, clitoris, and the g-spot to start. Masturbating and finding out what feels good to you is also helpful.

Don’t Assume

Humans are complex, and everyone has their likes and dislikes. Just because something feels good to you doesn’t mean that it works for your partner. When in doubt, just ask.

Use Protection

There’s a popular misconception that lesbian sex is completely safe. This is not true- you can still get an STD from your partner, and if your sexual activity involves another partner who happens to be a man, you can get pregnant. Even if you are only having sex with women, you want to protect yourself from STD’s.


If your nails are long, you want to trim them. Long nails make it easy to accidentally scratch the inside of your partner’s vagina during digital penetration. If you’re determined to keep your nails long, be extra careful, and at the very least, make the area under your nails is clean.

Take it Slow

Don’t rush through your first time- enjoy it!

Things to Try

There are a lot of things you can try when you get together with a girl. Some of these are going to resonate, and some are not. You don’t have to try everything- you’re definitely free to choose.

Clitoral Stimulation

This can be done with your hands, your mouth, or even a sex toy. This is where knowing the anatomy and being able to find the clitoris, is helpful. You can combine clitoral stimulation with breast play and vaginal and anal penetration- just run it by your partner first.

Breast and Nipple Play

Some girls are pretty sensitive in their breast and nipple area; others are not. If you’re going to try this, definitely start slow, fondle the breasts gently first, and work your way up to the nipples.


Going down on a girl should definitely be done with your partner’s consent. If you’re really nervous, have your partner guide you by telling you what to do. If you like the idea of power exchange, you can have your partner command you instead. As a general rule, you’ll want to go start slow and increase in intensity. You can also add your fingers for additional stimulation.

Vaginal Penetration

This can be done with your fingers or a sex toy. Always check with your partner before you put anything in their vagina and make sure that whatever you’re putting in there, fingers or toys, is clean.

Anal Play

This can involve rimming, but plugs, or toys. Some people are really into anal play, and others are not. If you do opt for anal play, remember that you’ll need lubricant, and you’ll want to chat with your partner to give them a heads up.

Something to Avoid

There are a few things you want to avoid when you are having sex with a woman. First, you do not want to base everything off porn. While watching a few clips of lesbians having sex might seem like a good idea, you do not want to base everything on what you see on the screen. Likewise, you should be wary of websites and porn scenes that fetishize lesbians. Sex between two women should generally not be done for the gratification and benefit of men unless both women are doing it with that specific purpose.


  • Real lesbian sex is whatever you and your female partner want it to be.
  • When it comes to lesbian sex positions, its best to play it by ear based on what exactly you want to be doing. 
  • Talk to your partner, and let them know if it’s your first time.
  • Study your anatomy- this will give you great tips on how and where to stimulate.


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