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How to Have Rough Sex: Consent and Safety Tips

How to Have Rough Sex: Consent and Safety Tips

If you’re thinking about taking things up a notch in the bedroom, rough sex may be just what you need. While rough sex isn’t for everyone, it is certainly something to explore if you are curious. Here is what you need to know before you get rough in the bedroom. 

What Is Rough Sex? 

“Rough sex” or “hard sex” is actually an umbrella term that covers various sexual activities that differ from the traditional or “vanilla” option. There is no single answer to how to have rough sex because there are many options. For example, some forms of rough sex fall into BDSM, while others do not. Here are a few examples that you may recognize.  In fact, you may already be doing a few of these.

Talk Dirty

Whether you’re on the phone or in person, sex talk can get you both in the mood. You can also try dirty talk during sex to see how you both feel. You can find plenty of options on sexy things to say online and in magazines, or, better yet, see if your partner has a preference.

Leaving a Mark

sex. RoughMany people are familiar with the idea of a hickey after an intense make-out session, but there are other ways to leave a mark, such as light biting and scratching during sex. Rough sex doesn’t have to really hurt, but your partner may enjoy an occasional love bite.

Taking the Lead

Letting one partner dictate a session or become the “dominant” is also a form of rough sex.

Be Aggressive

Rough kisses, pinning your partner’s arms behind their back, hair pulling, and aggressive thrusting are all part of aggressive sex. Remember, however, that there is a right and wrong way to do these, so you’ll want to be careful if you are just starting out. 

Use of Restraints

Having one partner restrained gives the other a stronger sense of dominance and can help bring an element of excitement to the bedroom.  

Spanks and Strikes

Spanking your partner or striking them with a flogger either before, or during, intercourse delivers a mix of pleasure as well as pain. It is important, however, to follow safety precautions when striking your partner during sexual play. These include never striking exposed organs such as the kidneys.


Inserting an entire fist into your partner’s vagina or anus is called fisting and is one of the moves most commonly associated with rough sex. Start out with a finger and plenty of lube, then slowly add until your partner can take the entire fist.


This might mean taking your partner’s hand and pulling them to the bedroom or grabbing their hair to go in for a kiss. A quick tip: If grabbing your partner’s hair, grab it at the base of the neck.  

Benefits of Rough Sex

Benefits of Rough Sex

Some people find that hard, rough sex is more pleasurable and exciting when compared to the vanilla alternative. If you and your partner are feeling bored with the traditional bedroom routine, this is definitely something that you can try together. You may decide that it isn’t for you, but it’s definitely an experience.

On the other hand, you may find something that you really enjoy, and you can just keep that aspect for the future. Trying out new things in the bedroom doesn’t mean that you are committing to hardcore, rough-sex for all time- you are free to take what you like and leave what you don’t.

Consent and Safety

Safety During Rough Sex

Getting rough in the bedroom doesn’t mean that consent goes out the window. In fact, it’s just the opposite. Long-time participants in the BDSM world know that consent and boundaries become even more critical during play.

Communication is Key

Rough sex looks fun and spontaneous in the movies, but, in real life, it’s all about communication. You’ll want to talk to your partner about what you are and are not comfortable with before you start. If you’re not sure how something will feel, tell your partner to start slow. There are no wrong answers- the worst thing you can do is stay silent.

A Note About Safe Words

A safeword is essentially a term that tells our partner that you’ve had enough or need a minute. In most cases, “no” and “stop” are perfectly good safe words. However, if you’re getting rough, or role-playing, you may want to choose another specific word to let your partner know that something is amiss. 

Another popular variant is using colors like red, yellow, and green. Green means you’re fine, while yellow tells your partner that you are close to your limit. Red means stop.

Be Very Honest

It is important to be honest with yourself and your partner about your comfort level and your limits when engaging in rough sex. If something is too painful or feels wrong, you need to communicate this to your partner, and your partner must immediately stop and listen. Never, ever, try to tough it out during a situation that makes you really uncomfortable simply because you’re trying to please your significant other.


Once you are finished with your session, you’ll want to check in with your partner and either cuddle or give each other some space- depending on how you both feel. You also want to have plenty of electrolytes nearby. 

How to Start

If you’d like to try out rough sex, here are a few ways to start.

Get Your Partner Involved:

If you’re seeing someone, have the rough sex talk with your partner to know whether they are on board. This will allow you to explore together and figure out what you want to try first.


We’ve listed a few fun activities to try above, but there are many other rough sex options. There are plenty of suggestions for what to try with your partner in various books and online. The one resource that you may not want to take too seriously is porn, which is often not realistic. 

Check out Nearby Clubs:

Yes, BDSM clubs and dungeons are a thing and you probably have one near you. These are private establishments and are very strict about the safety of their participants and may not let you ‘drop by’ casually. However, these can be a great resource, and some even hold nights that are open to beginners.

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