What Is Femdom?

What Is Femdom?

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You may have seen or heard of the “dominatrix” on shows like Netflix’s Bonding and R-rated films like 50 Shades of Grey and immediately envisioned a stunning woman all clad in leather and latex with a whip in hand. If you think this is merely an erotic fantasy that’s best left for the movies, you may be missing out on a lot of fun.

Pop culture’s depiction of the dominatrix, though fun, can be misleading and exclusive of what female sexual dominance, or femdom, actually is.

While the dominatrix will never (and should never) go out of style, there are far tamer ways women can experiment with dominance in the bedroom if they’re curious to explore this side of their sexualities.

Here’s our in-depth guide into all things femdom, and why it may be for you.

Is Femdom BDSM?

You hear the word dominance and instantly think BDSM, correct?

Well, your mind’s headed in the right direction. Femdom is one of many manifestations of BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance/submission, sadism/masochism), with both concepts being widely misunderstood.

Femdom BDSM indulges in being dominant over a more submissive partner, regardless of gender. It can be both your default role within your sex life or something you try every once in a while for some excitement.

Are Femdom and BDSM Degrading?

Depending on your mindset, BDSM is either terrifying or scintillating, but BDSM and its participants are no strangers to being misunderstood. Humiliation and degradation may be popular items on the BDSM menu; however, this does not mean that BDSM itself and femdom as a part of it, are also disrespectful.

Despite a multitude of misconceptions, BDSM is ultimately about intimacy, respect, excitement, and sexual discovery–femdom included.

Gentle Femdom

Femdom can best be understood as existing upon a spectrum. Roles like that of the mistress and dominatrix, though being the best-known incarnations of femdom, are not the only expression of it. More casual endeavors in female dominance can also count as femdom.

Gentle femdom, or female dominance play that doesn’t include pain or humiliation, is something you have probably already tried without really noticing it.

Known for being more affectionate than traditional femdom, gentle femdom is all about the woman being in charge without punishing or humiliating her sexual partner. Instead, her partner takes on the role of worshipping her and prioritizing her pleasure.

Why Femdom?

Dominance and submission are popular fantasies for both men and women, as these can be a riveting source of pleasure and excitement. Female domination, in particular, interests men and women for different reasons.

For Heterosexual Couples

Psychologically, sexual power play can feel extremely empowering to women, as it challenges patriarchal roles and puts women, who may otherwise feel restrained, liberated, and in charge.

Across cultures, women are taught to be poised and submissive, which is why femdom can be so therapeutic. Femdom serves as a release for that tension not just for women but for men too, who may feel pressure to always be in charge and on top of everything.

Conforming to performative expectations of masculinity can be exhausting, so for men, femdom can be a much-needed escape from that pressure. The submissive man delights in having someone telling them what to do for a change.

Being dominated and humiliated in the bedroom is often the medicine men need to spice up their sex lives. For couples with mutual devotion, femdom holds the power to take relationships of all kinds to the next level.

For Lesbian Couples

Lesbian couples can also partake in femdom without gender role-reversal. The more dominant and assertive party in the relationship may be enticed by submitting to their femdom counterpart, though this doesn’t have to always be the case.

Like we learned before, femdom can be many things at once. Ultimately, it can be extremely gratifying for all parties involved as long as there is consent, as it always should be.

How to Get Started With Femdom

The journey to femdom experiences doesn’t have to begin intensely–no one’s expecting a first-timer to break out chains and whips! A good place to begin is with the essential tools to a femdom’s arsenal. Although a femdom demands body worship from her subordinate, it’s also her job to make them beg for more.

Sensory play heightens the femdom game. Simple pieces like a tantric feather can raise goosebumps, teasing, and edging all over a partner’s most sensitive grooves. Along with bondage, a beginner femdom can quickly become an expert with some calculated tickling.

Sensory Play, Bondage and Toys

Bondage and sex toys can be a fun way to take femdom to the next level. Don’t be intimidated, as sometimes something as simple as a pair of handcuffs or ropes can be enough to get you and your partner’s blood boiling.

Further down the road, as a femdom gains confidence, she can apply sensory elements like velvet ropes, riding crops, spanking paddles, and an esteemed suede whip.

For men, a Tenga flip hole, which is a masturbating sleeve with pressure buttons, is perfect for edging the shaft and will drive them crazy. Additionally, test the boundaries with butt plugs to stimulate the prostate. Women can integrate vibrators into their femdom routine for clitoral stimulation.

Takeaway + Tips

Participating in femdom can be a fun way for couples to experiment with roles of dominance and submission with their partners.

However, it must be repeated that before you decide to give it a shot with your partner, make sure they’re comfortable with that exploration. You shouldn’t be ashamed to try new and exciting things in bed, nor should anyone discourage you, but both parties must be fully consenting.

If necessary, establish a safeword with your partner and respect each other’s boundaries. Nothing sparks up the bedroom more than respecting and honoring your partner.

Moreover, remember femdom doesn’t have to start at the extremes! Dip your toes into the water with some hair pulling, neck biting, and riding on top. Don’t let the leather and whips stop you from buying a cute little riding crop to try out tonight!

And if you ever get lost along the way, just remember you can count on us as your number one femdom resource.

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