Talking to someone that you like or find attractive is hard. In fact, many guys wonder how to talk to girls, and later, how to talk to women. But when you put something as intimate as sex into the mix, the pressure might feel impossible to handle. Fortunately, mastering pillow talk is actually not that difficult.
Here’s what you need to know about talking to women after sex and other intimate moments.
Not All Women Are the Same
Before we dive into tips, this critical fact is certainly worth mentioning. While there is a lot of advice flying around about how to talk to a woman, not all advice will work a hundred percent of the time. Perhaps you are with a woman who doesn’t like pillow talk. In that case, relaxed silence might be the best-case scenario.
Women have their own individual preferences regarding communication after intimate activity, so if you know a bit about the woman with whom you are intimate, go off that knowledge.
She’s Just As Nervous As You Are
Chances are, the woman that you’re intimate with is just as nervous about pillow talk after sex. Cut everyone involved some slack by not being too hard on yourself and not expecting too much from her.
Clean-Up Can Be a Pressing Factor
Sex can get messy. And, while pillow talks immediately after sex sounds like a great idea, cleanup may have to come first- especially for her. If your partner is getting ready to rush to the restroom or for tissues after sex, do your part of the cleanup and invite her back to bed after she has finished doing what she needs to do.
Ask About Her
Ask your partner how she feels, what she likes to do, her day, and her well-being. Starting a conversation about her takes the pressure off you – which is excellent if you happen to be nervous about pillow talk. Asking about her also helps ensure that you’re checking in with your partner after sex.
Something as simple as “how are you feeling” lets her know that you care and sets the stage for her to talk about herself and her feelings.
Most people like compliments, so why not make your partner feel good by complimenting her. You can compliment her looks, personality, or even something she did while you were getting intimate. If you don’t know her well, offer a generalized comment such as “you are amazing.”
Snack As You Chat
Sex, especially good sex, is draining. So why not rehydrate and grab a snack? Sure, you’ll need to leave your pillow for a little while, but you probably need the extra calories and liquids anyway. You might even consider grabbing a glass of wine, though it’s recommended that you grab some water first.
Cuddling up to your partner is a great way to stay physically connected while also relaxing and chatting. You can choose to simply hold your partner or tease them as part of foreplay for round two. As with any other suggestion, cuddles aren’t for everyone. Some people love to cuddle, others not so much.
If you do like to cuddle, ask your partner casually if she’d like to do the same. If she says no, she may simply be one of those who want a little more space after an intimate activity. Or she is not yet ready for cuddles.
Aftercare in BDSM
If you’re participating in BDSM, pillow talk may fall into aftercare. It is very common and often expected for BDSM partners to check in with each other, relax, and even get some food and water after a play session. If you’re new to BDSM and you’re topping, you should be the one initiating aftercare. Ask your partner how she felt about the experience and how she feels now. Find out if there’s anything she needs.
While “aftercare” as a term is associated with BDSM, there’s nothing wrong with offering food, talk, and cuddles after regular sex as well.
Go Back to a Common Interest
If your partner isn’t sharing much about herself and already has snacks, trying to go back to an interest you both have in common and start a light-hearted discussion. Pillow talk doesn’t have to be super romantic or super serious.
You can also consider turning on something for the two of you to watch. This is an excellent option if the night is still young and if you have plenty of energy.
Be Romantic if Appropriate
If you’re with a woman who is into romantic gestures, you can undoubtedly use pillow talk to explore your own romantic side. Tell her how much you care and how much you enjoyed your time. You may even tell her that you love her if you feel that’s appropriate.
She Might Have Plans
If a woman leaves right after sex or after an intimate moment, it may not be your fault at all. The woman might have plans for the next morning, such as work or a meeting with friends. On the other hand, maybe she just doesn’t feel comfortable sleeping over or hanging out longer at that moment in time- give her time and let her decide when she’s ready. Never, ever try to convince or trick a woman into staying for pillow talk- that just gets awkward.
On the other hand, the woman you’re sleeping with might have her own plans and desires for after sex, and she might even simply let you know. Remember, however, it’s just as intimidating for women to talk to men as it is for men to talk to women, so be patient and encourage her to speak her mind.
Pillow talk is probably not as hard as you think.
Not all women enjoy pillow talk.
Checking in with your partner after sex is important. You’ll also want to hydrate and grab a snack after a particularly intense intimate experience.
When in doubt, ask.
Offer her compliments and ask her questions.
You can opt for a casual conversation or even a movie instead of the traditional pillow talk romance.